Office Life Critic Pillows

Casual Tieday

"Confound it, Foskett -- the compliance protocols clearly state, 'No heart attacks on company time'!"

"We replaced your desk with a smart desk. It alerts me when you're napping, playing games or just plain unproductive."

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"My email is down... talk to me."

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

In basket-case.

'That's our mission statement.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

IN box...OUT is wastepaper basket on fire.

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

'I have a plan 'B' but that's also dependent on a working projector bulb.'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Worst case of month-end burnout I ever saw."

'Joe took the day off to go to the ball game. So I'll be sitting in for him until he gets back. Would you like me to fetch you something?'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

"And isn't it time we replaced the worn-out, meaningless cliches in our mission statement with some dazzlingly new meaningless cliches?"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

We should take a break. Ron's eyes have turned into spinning rainbow wheels.