Office Comedy Enthusiast Pillows

"Good news, chief, a computer virus destroyed all our documents."

'Here - 'It's my way or the. . .'!'

"Is this what happens when management fails to deal with a passive aggressive member of staff..?"

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

'I told you that I had filed it properly. It's under 'l' for 'letters'.'

"Morning, sir. I believe you've got a jammed stapler?"

"Thank God your mother didn't live to see what you've become."

"I'm sorry, but we have to let you go. Frankly, you're a public relations nightmare."

"Sorry, but climbing under your desk to reboot your computer doesn't count as aerobic exercise."

'My computer? - I got rid of it for insubordination!'

'Come in and kneel.'

'Welcome back, Cathy! Here are your phone messages!'

Fired Drill.

"We've cut out a lot of unnecessary middle management, or at least I think we have... There's no one left in HR to do a headcount!"

'The main requirements for this job are the ability to live without money, skilled at mind numbing work and getting along with disgruntled coworkers.'

"The computer in the main office says you need to be fired but it didn't say why."

"These name badges were a great idea, Dave!"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

No, I didn't know they were going to cut the office furniture budget in half.

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."