Office Anarchist Pillows

'There always seems to be ONE trouble-maker in the company who gets a sick thrill from rebelling against our corporate culture!'

'That's Fred, the new hire. He's one of those corporate renaissance types who erases organization-chart boundaries wherever he goes!'

'Leave us your suggestions here.' (The suggestion box is a shredder)

Office Terrorism As Self-Help

'Any messages while I was out?'

"I can't work in a place that doesn't share my commitment to honesty, moral integrity and a $15,000 sign on bonus."

"Clear my schedule for the next five minutes. I feel the need for some spontaneous frivolity."

Do Not Resuscitate

"Rolled-up sleeves, no coat, loose tie...it's my casual confrontational look."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'You're developing a reputation as something of a cowboy, Henderson.'

"Simplified application form? . . . This IS the simplified application form!"

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

Government Offices / In tray, No Exit tray.

Darren had lost his edge as a 'yes' man...

Do not think outside the box!

"It drives me mad when people act as though we had nothing to do except write moronic memorandum..."

'Sorry, you failed the aptitude test.' -'Thankfully I own the company.'

'The company was quite generous. They gave me a whole day off for the funeral.'

'What is the meaning of poorly attended staff meetings.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

Dear Folks, it's lonely at the top.

"The figures for the last quarter are in. We made significant gains in the fifteen-to-twenty-six-year-old age group, but we lost our immortal souls."

"The holidays are finished George, get over it!"

"It doesn't do you any good being depressed about your job, because you're stuck doing it for the rest of your life."

'And I see that Derek continues to ignore our company's dress code...'

"If I could quit tomorrow, I'd be gone yesterday."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

"Yeah? Well, tell him that in this company Gandhi-like resistance wouldn't have worked for Gandhi, either."

"I pride myself on being able to walk that fine line between misdemeanor and felony."

'We've got trouble, Henderson - Your people got with my people and decided they didn't need us.'

Ladder of Success.

"Exscuse me, but I think I'm in the wrong shaped hole."

"On the plus side, you're on the cover of all the major business publications."

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!