Offbeat Pillows

"Would you like to buy a commemorative photo of your firing?"

"Ahhh... close enough."

"Welcome to Off-Off-Off Broadway."

Imagine

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

'Nothing like being your own boss, huh?'

"The pea's the first vegetable I've ever grown. Can you stuff and mount it for me please?"

Off Off Off Off Broadway

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

'I used to chase cars. Now I chase yield.'

'Have a good day? No thank you. I had other plans.'

"I got napkins, family photos, and the strongest lip balm in the city."

'I offer a service to combat your employees' afternoon drowsiness.'

'I envisioned them praying to something entirely different.'

Sinlge-white-male seeking single-female who enjoys, silence, long long walks, and scorpions.

'So the little boy who missed his bedtime was eaten by the awful slimy monster and was never heard from again.'

'I'm worried about my brother, doctor!'

Bottom House

New From Why? Books

"We found this in your brain."

Man runs with a fox and fishing hook.

"You're going to fit right in here at the firm."

'Sir, the Arctic offseason is 24-hour night, and the temperature below zero!'

Yearbook photos from Miss Bubble's Hair Styling School.

"We're here!"

'Now THERE'S a friendship I've never quite understood. That's Ludwig van Beethoven on the left, with Harvey Fernquist, the inventor of telephone 'hold' music!'

'What do you mean there's no specific rule that forbids a center fielder from doing that?'

Bad vibes next 3 miles.

"He's always had a fascination with the hard drinking,hard living writer,the tortured genius. It's an image he's tried to emulate. Unfortunately he's only ever managed the first two parts." "I can't <hic> feel my face."

NO, I don't want to hear 'my dog's has fleas'!

'Acme toys' 'In case of fire, water pistol'

Opinion poll. I don't know if I'm politicall right or left, but everybody seems to think I'd definitely off-center.

"How do ya like that? They rejected our request that they build the new stadium out here!"