Offbeat Gift Giver Gifts

'Hand these out to the workforce.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

Imagine

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

"Shouldn't have, you really."

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

'Darling, I want you to have this lock of my hair to remind you how much I love you.'

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'Please enter your pin now.'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

'I'd be more impressed that you bought me flowers if you didn't take a job as a delivery boy to get the employee discount.'

'You did want him wrapped, didn't you?'

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Cow Christmas anxiety dreams!

'Nothing from the Nobel Committee or the National Endowment for the Arts, but 'Joe' wants you to write some napkins for his bar.'

"The party was a total surprise! Everybody jumped out and screamed 'Happy Birthday' just as I was licking my balls!"

"Not lengthways you idiot!!"

Rent-a-Drama: "How many tweens will you need for your event?"

Frankenstein's Monster receiving birthday present.

WC problem.