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'Evil Olive'- An evil olive has taken out his co-workers with cocktail swords.

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

BEWARE OF THE DOG!; 'So much for management's pledge to bargain in good faith.'

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

"Consumer confidence remains high as long as we keep them distracted buying stuff."

"We didn’t have enough in the budget to replace you with a real robot."

"Sure, it's a break you can live with... but screw one more socket and you're toast!"

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

'That's what I like about you Roberts, you're not afraid to get out there and take a risk.'

IRS: The country is broke, but your taxes cannot be construed as 'Charity to the Poor'.

God Bless America, God Help Syria

"I think he just ashed on me."

"You don't see much in the way of rioting and looting when an unarmed white man is killed by the police."

Attorney At Law: Today's special - Bankruptcy and Divorce. Two for the price of one.

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

"You'll go far...you think like a man..."

'You may have an adverse reaction when I administer this. It's your medical bill.'

Oil in Nigeria.

'Remember Jones, your organs are worth more to us than your intellectual property.'

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'There's a conglomerate of malcontents here to see you, sir.'

'... and make it look like an accident.'

'There he goes over the bag limit again!'

Car Rides - Cats

'Mr. Putin, annexation of Crimea was nice, but wouldn't Ukraine, Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia also be nice addictions to your Empire?'

Camel In The Tent

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

'Extreme acupuncture.'

There IS a Santa Claus.

NHS Suicide Counselling

"Not dead, nonsense! According to the computer you are dead! . . . Please don't waste anymore of out valuable time and leave the operating room!"