Odds Admirer T-Shirts

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Reading my Critics

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

"I can't have the wart removed, I just got the Wicked Witch role in 'Wizard of Oz'."

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

A tiny, yet majestic creature, the butt ox.

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

Two sea otters with smartphones

"Drinking home alone, I think he may have a problem."

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

'It started with enlightened self-interest and then spread to greed.'

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

'This goalie used to be a jockey.'

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

'Hmmm...'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

'Hey Todd, look - those people down there look just like... well... us!'

"It's a little present I gave myself for being so rich."

Which magazine?

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

'I swear, sometimes I don't think you even try anymore, John!'

"Well, y' know what they say - there's no substitute for experience!"

Hare and the tortoise race odds.

Skeleton doing laundry,

"The bidding will start at $3 million ..."

"Eighties. What a sad decade to get stuck in!"

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

I like the look of that 'Trojan Boy'.

John Keats.