Odds Admirer T-Shirts

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Reading my Critics

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

'True it does have small flowers but through the microscope its exquisite.'

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

"I can't have the wart removed, I just got the Wicked Witch role in 'Wizard of Oz'."

A tiny, yet majestic creature, the butt ox.

'You have reached the Heisenberg Institute - Calls will be answered in random order.'

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

"And finally for the record, the clerk of the court has odds of 6-4 guilty, 2-1 not guilty..."

Two sea otters with smartphones

Cat eyes up cocktail olive.

Psychic: Palm reading, tarot, and lost and found.

I brake for anything discarded that I can bring to the Antiques Roadshow

"Drinking home alone, I think he may have a problem."

Handicap Parking Only - Ticket Odds 4 to 1.

'It started with enlightened self-interest and then spread to greed.'

I'm sorry, the pension fund was beaten by two lengths!

'This goalie used to be a jockey.'

"He's giving 3-1 Magic Spider in the 230."

'You say that one day you win and the next day you lose? Why don't you bet on alternate days?'

'Hmmm...'

'Hey Todd, look - those people down there look just like... well... us!'

"It's a little present I gave myself for being so rich."

Which magazine?

Probability: 10,000-1, 150-1, 6-1, 2-5, 1-20, 50-1, 10,000-1.

"Well, y' know what they say - there's no substitute for experience!"

"The bidding will start at $3 million ..."

'I swear, sometimes I don't think you even try anymore, John!'

"Eighties. What a sad decade to get stuck in!"

Skeleton doing laundry,

'It's a fight between me and the world,' - 'I'll have a twenty on the world,'

John Keats.

Hare and the tortoise race odds.