Observer Of The Absurd T-Shirts

"Being a 'fly on the wall' is way overrated."

"I thought we agreed you weren't going to work at home."

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

"Now you can send it."

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

Salvador Dali's cats.

'Miss Jones, take this down.'

UFO and snowman

Operation.

Baseball.

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

Salome on Settle (also called Maitresse d'Orchestre) - intended for book but suppressed

'Bad as this may look, it's actually the perfect accompaniment with your entree.'

"Sorry, I'm not criticizing your driving so much as I'm marvelling that you're still alive."

AI Summit

"Apparently he only uses fugitive colours."

Minefield! Thank you for treading carefully.

'Ok, now if everyone could just hold still.'

'Nobody special, but rich enough to build this statue of himself.

Kangaroo with a smoking baby.

Trapeze artists commuting

'I wouldn't worry about going before your time. You're too old to die young.'

"Is there any way we could describe this bit of old tart that would make a Russian oligarch pay £2 million for it?"

A patient, a doctor and a deep sea diver

Bizarre sights.

"Yes, but can your philosophical speculations on existence also be relative to why I crossed the road?"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

"Don't touch that Jake! It's bad for you!"

Albert should have known that cactuses rarely have change. Besides, they prefer jazz.

"I was going to call you but I remembered I left some empty oxygen canisters on Mt. Everest."

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

'Pardon me. Can you tell me where 9 West 57th is?'

'Sorry Ma'am, but I only do palm-readings...'