Object Dialogue Fan Pillows

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Would you relax? All you guys are so tense. I just wanted to tell you to your face how enigmatic I find you."

"Global warming is a great icebreaker."

Next time, a larger tip for the server and less free tax advice.

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

"It was the most relaxing massage I've ever had."

'But you distinctly said working breakfast.'

"I wish you'd stop obsessively checking your feed!"

"I'd hate to see the flea big enough to wear those!"

"With the whole world in NATO, we won't have to take any more crap from Mars."

"The people will not tolerate people speaking on behalf of the people any longer!"

"Wait … where’s Chicken Little? And who is ‘Kim Jong Un’?"

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

"You know that tune you sang yesterday morning? It was stuck in my head the whole day long..."

"Do you think it's an accident of history that Freemasons live in houses and we live in trees?"

"The 'yip yip yip' is mine. Stick to your 'woof woof woof.'"

Urp! Homo Eructus.

"It killed on social media yet you say it's horrible?" "Lousy is lousy."

'First you come down, then we talk.'

"No, it's not my birthday, either."

"You know what I love? Rolling in dead squirrel." "Oh, my God, yes! How about peeing on the floor at Petco?!" "Wait, wait–what's the farthest distance either of you have rubbed your butt across a carpet?!"

"Can we cut across the park and avoid Colony Lane? There are three squirrels in an oak tree I’d like to avoid."

Only a handful of people are this small.

'Don't keep going on about your cold paws - I've got my own problem!'

Give Bots the Right to Vote

'Oh, it's not that I don't like humans, it's just my allergies.'

A Yankee in Dixie: 'What in blue blazes is a 'tunerfish' sam' wich?'

""Forget that 'Age Before Beauty' stuff. I want to stay behind you to keep an eye on you!"

Woman and dog with mobiles

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'What's up with the milk?'

"Going anywhere nice this weekend?"