Nutrition Rebel Pillows

Dart Training School - "The Right nutrition is vital. I want you on lager and chips until the competition."

"All these healthy eating edicts and chew twenty times...I'm fed up to where my back teeth used to be!"

"Beans count as healthy vegetables but jelly beans don't? Not faaaiiir!!!"

Any time is cake o'clock

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

Chocs away.

'Ahh...now there's a man who understands women.'

"I'm a monster."

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Why are we eating all this fattening stuff? Pier pressure."

Attack of the 'health' foods

"Hide the file in one of your gluten-free cakes – so the guards won't eat it."

'I found this bag of salad hidden in the locker room - who's is it?'

"If medical science wants to be really relevant, it would find a way to let me eat all the bacon I want!"

"I think the problem is that you're not eating properly..."

'Red or white wine with fish?' 'They're dead. They don't care.'

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

Lunch-Hour Highlights

"It's improv night."

'Headmaster I'd like to report Biggins and Small who were caught this morning consuming trans-fats behind the bicycle shed.'

Dieting is for losers.

"We tried healthy birthday treats. That lasted about a week."

'The good news is you don't have to worry about cholesterol, carbs, or trans fat.'

Attempting to eat your own bodyweight in cake can act as a mood enhancer.

'I always shop here. They don't sell low fat ice cream so the guilt is gone.'

Spaghetto

'My mom told me to keep my hands out of the cookie jar, but nothing about my head.'

'I've decided to give up giving up!'

"I didn't miss my workout...I didn't miss it one bit!"

The B1 Vitamin Bomber

"Sorry, kid, the nutrition nannies threatened to shut me down if I didn't change from chocolate to tofu Easter eggs."

Diet Enforcer

"I just thought maybe we should consider letting ourselves go now instead of waiting a few years into our marriage."

"If you're as smart a refrigerator as they say you are, you'll keep your mouth shut about this."

That's not quite what I meant by a 'balanced diet'..