Nutrition-conscious Builder Gifts

'Not only can we build it for the same price as any gingerbread house, but we can do it for 40% less carbs and no trans fats!'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Painting by the numbers for adults

"Where do we put Desserts?"

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"Thanks! Carl put his heart and soul into it, along with, of course, lots of mud and a boatload of his own saliva."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

'I found the termites!'

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"We're having one heck of a time building that trapezoidal thing of yours..."

God's Subcontractors

Another All Steel Home Built By Wit Construction.

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

All Natural Nothing

'The housing market may be flat, but pillow-fort construction is blooming!'

"Well, yes, it's not what you would call a practical nest, but my wife insisted on using an architect..."

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"It was a holiday I'll never forget...I saw life in the raw!"

"His mother had a great influence on him. She always made him eat his fruits and vegetables."

"I envy you, but my dietary requirements make it difficult for me to travel..."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Crane operator Jimmy Morrison liked to break in new guys by giving them what he called a 'sky wedgie.'

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"Our detractors call it suburban sprawl, but I prefer thinking of our plan as 'sustainable over-development!'"

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'