Nursing Home Jokesters Pillows

'Remind me again. . . who's chasing who?'

'I had considered a career as an offshore commodities broker specialising in securitised asset transfers but the pension wasn't as good.'

The Friendship Between Death and the Doctor.

'The doctors all tell me that you have great medical insurance. They think your coverage might last through most of the tests that they have scheduled.'

"Sounds like cracked ribs. Try loosening your belt."

'Look mum and dad! They let me keep my appendix!' - A young book excitedly showing off his appendix to his arriving parents.

"It will be okay to hop when you go home but don't try to run."

Children's Nursery

Clown Delivering Babies.

"The nurse thinks she's sneaky, but I know my meds are in the peanut butter."

'If you're happy to demand feed we'll get along just fine.'

'I've had so many transplants, I feel like a garden nursery.'

'It's always about you isn't it, George? Wouldn't you like to hear about the terrible day I've had for a change?'

"Fortunately, we have an excellent selection!"

"Pay attention, 'switch it off switch it on again' does not apply to the life support machines."

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'The good news is it's curable, the bad news is you can't afford it.'

"Visiting hours are over, Mrs. Glenborn."

Nurse playing darts with syringes.

'We've noticed just about every patient you've tested has elevated blood pressure.'

Hospitalized intellectuals are ill-literates.

'Just the one, thanks.'

Ask me about Naming Rights.

'I've never seen mum change these when they get empty.'

Doctor: 'Mind if I cut in?'

'Have I been waiting long? Well, I guess so. I was forty three years old when I came in.'

"Open mike night"

'He still doesn't know how serious an amputation he's had, nurse, so try not to act too shocked.'

"You car pool guys will be going down together for x-rays."

Plastic Surgery

'I guess you two won't be reading the Kama Sutra again.'

"My friend's in long-term hospital care. Got any Get Rich Quick cards?"

'We're fresh out of miracles. Want to see a card trick?'

'There's no talking to him when he's like this.'

'Yes, they're my own teeth. I paid the dentist for them myself.'