Nursery Rhyme Analyst T-Shirts

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

''Oui, oui, oui all the way home'? - was he a pig, or a French diplomat?'

"The cow jumped over the moon? The dish ran away with the spoon? Dad... it just doesn't pass the smell test."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Are you made of sugar?'

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

"Well, that one got away."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

If you're happy and you know it...

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"