Nursery Rhyme Analyst T-Shirts

"I don't see how pulling out a piece of fruit from a pie necessarily validates Jack Horner's self-worth."

''Oui, oui, oui all the way home'? - was he a pig, or a French diplomat?'

"The cow jumped over the moon? The dish ran away with the spoon? Dad... it just doesn't pass the smell test."

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"Well, that one got away."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

'And you're telling me this, why?'

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"