Number-crunching Motorist T-Shirts

I'll have to go back to the garage for my calculator.

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

"I told you not to polish the car too much."

'Is that why our games of hide and seek are over so quickly?'

Pork Bellies.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'The idea of an artists' retreat is to get AWAY from business concerns, Mr. Harlow.'

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

Rhinestone Accountant

'It's true

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

Retrofitting Tax Loopholes Since 1968.

Room for Error

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

Lester crosses that very fine line separating cost accounting from performance art...

"Workboy"

"In a perfect world, yes - but you can't claim taxes as a business loss."

Hoping to soften its image, the IRS devises the singing audit-gram.

ACcountants Lunch

When Accountants Rake Leaves

'No campaign contributions to deduct? -- Tsk, tsk, tsk....'

'Very creative, though it doesn't quite compare with what we're doing over in accounting.'

'Wow! You weren't exaggerating when you said your company had a high cash burn rate!'

"I see you're still fishing for that key piece of data."

'There are few moments in business more exciting than the quarterly placing of the decimal point.'

'We have a problem!'

'As I'm sure you all remember, right here is when we all stopped caring!'

We try to be helpful, you can bring in the rest tomorrow.'

'I know that numbers do lie since I happen to work for the IRS.'