Number Crunching Gourmand Gifts

'You say that you were a chef before retraining as an accountant?... That's good, we could use a bookkeeper who can cook.'

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

"Seriously, do you expect us to believe you put on 143 feet a day in business travel?"

The good news is that I've got all the figures...the BAD news is that I'm not sure what order to put them in!

"Fresh pepper?"

Pork Bellies.

"We can't just pluck figures out of the air any more. . . We use a bucket."

What comes after a trillion

"The accounting change that contributed most to the quarter was adding three zeros to the revenue number."

Boy who has eaten oysters and grown fat

'We can't cut out the middle man. With the government in the picture now we are the middle man.'

"He put the 'fun' in funding."

'...or you could fill out this Form 666 and get a filing extension for all eternity.'

"Well, I think we've proved our point...you want to push it, or should I?"

Congress introducing new tax laws to CPAs and businesses.

"I'd like seconds!"

'Well, well. You made thirteen hundred dollars more last year than you did the year before -- you people never learn, do you?'

'It's true

Retrofitting Tax Loopholes Since 1968.

Room for Error

Lester crosses that very fine line separating cost accounting from performance art...

"Workboy"

'Did I say billions? I meant jillions.'

"In a perfect world, yes - but you can't claim taxes as a business loss."

"I think we need one that shows the oldest food in the country."

Hoping to soften its image, the IRS devises the singing audit-gram.

ACcountants Lunch

'No campaign contributions to deduct? -- Tsk, tsk, tsk....'

"I see you're still fishing for that key piece of data."

'There are few moments in business more exciting than the quarterly placing of the decimal point.'

"Thanks for saving our business again accountancy man."

'I know that numbers do lie since I happen to work for the IRS.'

'When you cook up a figure make it an odd number like £321.42, not £300.'

'We have a problem!'

'As I'm sure you all remember, right here is when we all stopped caring!'