Novice Handyman T-Shirts

"Sir, you may find this book very helpful, too."

boy plugging leak in a barrel with his finger

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

'I think I've isolated that funny noise you've been having.'

'Put your tools away. We can't afford to pay any more tradesmen to fix another of your botched DIY projects.'

Fixing the TV.

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

Bob’s Museum

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

We'll take a carpenter, painter, plumber...

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

Fred's not sure who to call first: 911 or the plumber he should have called in the first place.

'My dog is terrified of strangers. would you be a dear and wear this outfit while you're working here?'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Tell me, do you own a mallet with a rubber shaft?"

"Moat? No - sump pump crapped out."

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

'He kept his enthusiasm for DIY right up to the end.'

Sharon's more of a do-it-yourselfer.

"Stop being stubborn and call the plumber!"

Elwood 'I Can Fix This Myself' McGrunzen

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

Christmas gift requiring assembly.

"No, your other, other, other, other, other, other, other left."

As icebergs form in the river, a man's house breaks up similarly

"You'll have to excuse the president. He misses his old days at the construction site."

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

'Daddy! Your hammer doesn't work good!'

"You didn't read the fine print. This roach spray attracts them."

Kit-set shelving. Third attempt.

"This is where DIY projects go to die."