Novelty In Medicine T-Shirts

"We'll publish your book, doctor, but we'll have to get a second opinion."

Dog Walking Services

"Our war is against cancer."

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Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

'Frank built it himself. The last football will fall through the hourglass 10 seconds before the Super Bowl starts.'

'I'm so bored - nothing ever happens around here!'

Advocado

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Hay Rides $10

'How's the gene-splicing going? Cloned any new hepatitis antibodies?'

Cash Machines From Across the Land

Peel poker.

'It's nothing that a few stem cells and 75 years of research can't fix.'

'Sorry, staff shortage.'

'Tell your mom you coughed it up and you're guaranteed a day off from school.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

The Woodstock Medical-Emergency Tent - 1994

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

'That's the diagnosis of my diagnostic desktop. If you want a second opinion, I'll ask my diagnostic tablet.'

'Have you forgotten, dear, that you gave your heart to me in nineteen ninety one?'

"I hear he's taking an experimental drug called, 'It Ain't Over Till It's Over.'"

Family heirlooms that will never make it onto the mantelpiece.

"You've received a death sentence, Mr. Covid."

Lyme Disease Research Lab

Inflatable Hands with Index and Middle fingers showing on sale for spectators at a Sports Stadium Event

Ball Pool Peril

"Always with the cancer cures, this one."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

"36% of our focus group suffered from the side effects, while 14% enjoyed them."

'Now we'll have to explain it to the press. Remember - keep it superficial.'

Say, aren't you my old shop teacher who said I couldn't cut a straight line to save my life?

"Well the good news is that everything was supposed to be bad for you is actually good, but the bad news is that everything that you thought was good for you is actually bad."

"If you keep perfectly still, I can do all five cavities at once."