Novel Nostalgia Gifts

The first book signing.

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Dammit, Pooh - don't let the heffalumps win!"

Trilby - 'The old studio'.

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'We're playing I'm a mummy with lots of different daddies!'

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

'Want to swap imaginary playmates?'

"We're playing doctor and I need 50 cents for my co-pay."

"They must be from a time when it was safe to meet in the park at night."

"All my stuff is 'Rosebud'."

'Lost Diary'

'Mummy, Daddy, this is Dylan. Dylan's ambition is to make conkers a recognized Olympic sport.'

Fade to black...

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

The Music Box

If you give a mouse a french cookie

Creepy Camp Stories.

"I'm in real trouble this time -- I broke the house!"

'And here on our left you see the sugary cereal aisle...a real crowd pleaser!'

'My favorites are the ones dad tells when he gets home late.'

'It must be love if your sneakers melted!'

Skipping

'We had a full and frank exchange of views, and then I bopped him.'

"Who knows the words to the theme song of the United States?"

'We can't win. Mum keeps telling us to play quietly, and when we do, she thinks we're up to something!'

Anton's imaginary friend was always stopping and giving directions to imaginary strangers.

"I'm too old for baby limas."

"Son, this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you."

"You better take Teddy's temperature too....he was awfully sick this morning!"

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

'Now she's jealous of my imaginary playmate.'

"Don't be silly, Wendy...who would make fun of such cute glasses?"

'I'm hoping to marry someone like my mom. Someone who will greet me at the door with a cold juice box.'

The top half is formula. The bottom half is milk.