Novel Guardian T-Shirts

"And, for God's sake, don't let anyone finish my novel!"

"Hold it right there, ma'am! If you get too close to the artwork, I'll have to ask you to leave the gallery."

The Zoo.

"I can't protect you from everything, but I can read you stories that make you believe I can protect you from everything."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

'Harold, when was the last time you cleaned the pool?!'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

"Mom, please shake my chair. I'm taking a virtual school bus ride before class begins."

"Tommy!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

Garden Gnome fishing all the fish for pond.

'Can you tell me what I've written? I can't read!'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

'What's the big deal about acid rain? Can't we just make alkaline rain to counteract it?'

'Sure, go ahead! Evolve! It's all the rage, I know! Have fun! I'll just sit here in this murky, primordial soup with nothing but plankton for company. Why should you stay here with your mother? The one who raised you, fed you...'

"Did I show you my new climbing hydrangea plants, Mr. Fessler?... Mr. Fessler?"

Don't let the woodcutters get too close or they'll make a fuel out of you!

"My mom programmed my toothbrush to follow me until I use it. It's cruel but effective."

Monkey-artist

'Put a tick under 'very toxic'.' (New Orleans Toxic Clean-Up Team).

Bumble Bee

"Look, it's my word balloon."

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

A baby playing on a grand piano

"Young man, go to your room and stay there until your cerebral cortex matures."

The Gardener's Holiday: Don't leave produce behind you to perish.

'I have answers to the kind of questions no one likes to ask.'

Biodiversity

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

Steven had a sneaky suspicion that the local birds were beginning to rely upon here.

"It's trickle down."

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

'The kids just love doing paint by numbers.'