Nose Job Humorist Pillows

Oh, good - Looks like the doctor's in.

Lady regarding man exiting 'Rhinoplasty' room: 'I don't know. I think the sign is abundantly clear.'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

Impressive qualifications, but seeing as how I'm trying to fill the position I just fired you from...

'We're looking for someone who is willing to just do their job.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

'I was just ringing to see if you'd got the email about my letter.'

This castle manager job better be for real.

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"Anything else...apart from the wheel?"

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

"Number four wasn't bad, at least he removed his personal CD earphones for most of the interview."

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

"Could you explain this 2500 year gap in your resume?"

I was rapidly rising to my level of incompetence, so I started screwing up just enough to maintain job security.

'Wake up, Jim. It's time for your break.'

'Have you ever been bonded?', 'No, but I've been married a couple of times.'

'Well, what about the two month gap in my reume? I fell into my sofa at home.'

'I'm looking for something, like, 364 days a year.'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

'You must be the new guy, huh?'

'Can you dance?'

'I like a man with a good, firm fist bump.'

Joe's Bar: Gentlemen must wear blue collars.

'I need a hug. I was laid off at the fish factory.'

"You're hired. Stay!"

"Sorry son, you're too negative!"

'Your resume is very impressive. We can't hire you but we don't want you to get away, so we're going to lock you in a closed for six months.'

'Don't worry, Finnegan... it doesn't matter how you answer the questions in a job interview. Every time they ask you something, just tilt your head sideways in that adorable way you do and they'll be putty in your hands...'

"Forget the pension and health care - do I get gas money?"

'Take my advice - if you get a tattoo, put it where it will not show on a job interview.'

"This job starts out at $50,000 and tops out at $75,000 after three years."