Job Hazard Humorist Pillows

Wally earns big buck stuffing envelopes at home!

Pounding speeds up the computer.

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Ants dressed as businessmen going to work.

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

'It was going well - until his power suit short-circuited.'

"I'm trying to lure in Generation X-ers. They're the new sandwich generation. They're sandwiched between caring for their kids and caring for their parents. So they drink lots and lots of coffee."

'My firm has an entire department that does nothing but adjust for inflation.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

Suggestions box in a toilet.

"In accordance with our new 'sharing of responsibilities initiative,' you'll all be responsible for getting my coffee." i

"Well, if you hadn't misfiled it in the first place it wouldn't have been lost."

"By 'dress down day', most of us mean not wearing a jacket!"

'Ask yourself, 'What is it I'm not doing?', and then ask yourself, 'What is it I'm doing too much?'.'

"Barlow, it's come to my attention that you've called in, 'Playing Possum' 8 days this month."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'Everyone's true personality comes out on dress-down Fridays, even the boss's.'

Go slow delegating authority. First learn how to delegate blame.

Performance management: "We decided to get rid of the carrot and keep the stick."

The suggestion box.

"So how did the rest of the team respond to your promotion?"

'And this is the computer that sends out our final demands.'

'You might show a little excitement at the figures, Johnson!'

'Ah, Williams, are you familiar with the term ‘Poisoned Chalice'?'

"Read the part when I invented micro management."

Downsizing.

"Ambitions... to make a career change from tourism to sales."