Nonviolent Leader Gifts

Martin Luther King Jr

"Son, it's time you learned the benefits of sitting around doing nothing."

Church leader at desk has 3 boxes marked 'Black', 'White' and 'Gray Area'.

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

"Oh, ah, sorry!"

"Home depot."

A daily rubdown with a beard brush will wrangle awkward bristles and train them downwards...

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

Priest

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Reverend, I recommend you turn the other cheek."

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

'Are you sure You can be objective? -After all, You did CREATE them.'

Guru.

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'A bachelor's? Big deal - I have a MASTER'S degree in enlightenment!'

'Meaning of life? You bet! Here, pull my finger.'

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm going on a retreat."

Guru about mountaintop covering: 'My wife knitted it.'

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

"Amen. Thanks everyone, oh and don't forget to subscribe!"

'You use HERBS to help you levitate? - How does THAT work?'

Chill Out Worshippers!

'Is there something bothering you, besides sin, crime, hunger, that sort of thing?'

OM, SWEET OM

"To mediate properly, you need a mantra. How about 'Ka-Ching'?"

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'The trouble is, once you've attained enlightenment, it's all downhill.'

"I've learned one thing: when an avalanche begins, get into the cave."

"They always fall for the old 'high-impact yoga' trick!"

'It's the boss! Everyone look mellow!'