Non-techie's Guide Pillows

Computer basics for non-geeks: MOUSE PAD.

Man runs into Bigfoot taking a selfie.

Highlights From The Annual Central Park Country Fair

"They lead a simple life - they don't even put gas in their cars."

"I have no feelings about having no feelings."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"People will pay anything to get away from it all. These babies don't even have WiFi on them."

'I can't work with computers, on account of my animal magnetism.'

'Oh, relax. Stopping to ask how to use the GPS does not violate the male decree against asking directions.'

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"There's no phones, social media, selfies, reality TV, online trolls, political-correctness or fake news."

'My dad just invented the wheel!'

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

The Daily Planet: The Newspaper that listen to you.

"What I like about booze is that it's so low tech."

I've got no cell phone, no computer, no grumbling wife, no stupid boss. Feel free to envy me.

"I promise that this will be the last time that Daddy will ask you to help him post his resume online."

"I wonder what our clients are doing out there."

Great Moments in Chess

"OK Zoomer!"

'Darling, I've just deleted the computer,'

'The main thing I like about this place is the complete absence of technology.'

Since we started online classes, I've had to get through a long, slow lesson every day. Me too. I constantly have to teach my parents how to use technology.

"You know how it is. Some days you like to drive, some days you like to be driven."

'Sorry. . . no jobs for lo-technicians.'

'We used to be a nuclear family...now we're cellular.'

Birthday anticlimax.

The 2020 Black Friday

'Green technology?'

"It happens every time we get a new piece of equipment...He won't invest the time to study the instructions and it ends in disaster."

"I've just ordered a chicken and an egg online...I wonder what'll come first...?"

"This secret memo I'm typing needs to be encrypted. How do I turn off spell check?"

"I've driven cross country with my wife, three kids and a dog. I know what a hard drive is."

'In my day, we were not microchipped: We were branded!'

If you're calling from a touch tone phone, press "1." If you're calling from a rotary dial phone, are you aware that touch tone phones have been around since November 18, 1963? Just sayin'.