Noise Challenger Pillows

'Well, you do wonder don't you?'

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Looks like Harriet mixed her lights and darks again."

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Lawnmower

'Their daughter plays the violin.'

Noise Pollution

The Mainstream

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

I'm not substitute teaching after all. How come? They wanted a criminal background check! I was a principal for 15 years. They know me! Yes, but

'Not bad. Already 17 minutes into Saturday morning before I receive my first ultimatum.'

You would have to work decades to make what many CEO's do in an hour.

"I'm looking for loopholes."

'Confusionism'

"Reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated..."

"You can't just put on the uniform whenever you don't want to have a conversation, Barry."

'This is a coffee break, Caldwell -- Get rid of that damn teapot!'

'How do you propose to repair the roof from down there?!'

A man without a chicken on his head!

Election Cancelling Headphones

'...and when I did finally take out the trash, she locked the door behind me.'

"Alien life-form or not, those dishes won't wash themselves up!"

"I hope this makes it clearer!"

When a nanosecond is forever.

"Amazing! He's been in there for over an hour without his cell phone,laptop or email access and he hasn't even twitched!"

'I think you got the drummer - Now try for the trumpet player!'

'Young lady, you're not going anywhere until you clean your lint trap!'

Thinking of throwing the 'Think' sign into the garbage.

"Grandma, this is now how some schools say obey the rules."

'The numbers don't look quite so bad along with the hard liquor.'

Spring cleaning.

"Listen! Hear that? Nothing is beeping!"

"Here's your problem."

'Unfortunately, Mr.Beckons, your son Dean is very allergic to grass. . .'

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem... why doesn't everyone get one?"