Noise-canceling Ninja Pillows

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

ACME Balloon Company.

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Piano Keyboard

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

I've found a loophole in your loophole

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Eleven?.. you mean there's more numbers beyond the number of fingers we have?'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

Propping up a profits chart.

"You told Pastor Bob about my room, didn't you?"

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Fenton always makes a backup hard copy of his mental notes.

IRS tax instructions.

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

'Wish you would've warned me about this. I hate getting ambushed.'

Flute-a-licious.

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

Geek in indignation at fellow geek's T-shirt which says: 'I'm with someone who can only recite pi to 100 decimal places.'

Election Cancelling Headphones

Now hiring numbers wonks to keep track of all the zeroes.