Noise-canceling Ninja Pillows

Electronics. It's a great idea, but nobody makes campaign-canceling headphones.

'No! Forging a note from your parents does not count as creative writing!'

'Who teaches apostrophe usage?'

"Is this a 'GOTCHA' question?"

'I'd like to return this, please.'

ACME Balloon Company.

"Arithmetic gets a lot harder when you run out of fingers and toes."

Piano Keyboard

'Yeah, I don't have trouble remembering my times tables, but I stink at algebra...'

"I hate negative numbers, and I'll stop at nothing to avoid them."

I've found a loophole in your loophole

"Which tax bracket are you looking to avoid?"

"That's more like it Perkins..!!"

"I spent the whole day cleaning the house. My cleaning lady comes tomorrow and I didn't want her seeing things like that!"

Pushed to the max by the algebra test, Tim's brain spontaneously combusted.

'I'm not comfortable with his method of fixing our balance sheet.'

'Henry, I'm here to trim back your budget.'

'Eleven?.. you mean there's more numbers beyond the number of fingers we have?'

Propping up a profits chart.

"The red bars represent the obscene numbers this quarter. The black bars are censoring those red bars."

"You told Pastor Bob about my room, didn't you?"

'We're in good shape. Nobody understands our financial statement.'

Customer Complaints - "Thank you, Thompson, for collecting the statistics."

'For people to think we just pluck figures out of THIN AIR is RIDICULOUS, we use a bucket.'

Fenton always makes a backup hard copy of his mental notes.

IRS tax instructions.

'Memorable miracles' from 'burning bush' to 'low cal ice cream'

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

"Actually, this is where there was a slight earth tremor."

Noah wears hearing protection as animals howl.

'Wish you would've warned me about this. I hate getting ambushed.'

Flute-a-licious.

Geek in indignation at fellow geek's T-shirt which says: 'I'm with someone who can only recite pi to 100 decimal places.'

Statistics Research: You Can Fool 45% of the People 55% of the time, but you can't fool all the people all the time.

School Supply Room. Look at this -- a calculator, a protractor and a compass! You've discovered the missing weapons of math instruction!