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Countess

Royal Picnic

The Epsom Derby - An Earl Throwing Sticks at Cocunuts

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Knight Golfing

"Oh good, more time alone for quiet reflection."

'You've made a powerful enemy'

'Gerry just can't seem to relax on holiday.'

"Messenger, dost thou bring me good news or dost thou bring me bad news?"

The Frog Prince

"'Conquer Spain'? 'Balance the budget'? 'Reform the justice system'? -- You call this a honey-do list?"

Princess Anne

'Tesco's cheif executive meets with staff.'

'No, you can't play poker tonight! The last time you played, you lost Schewig-Holstein!'

Jester Surgeon

"If it's got my ass on it, it's befitting of royalty."

"...We've traced your lineage all the way back to a 15th-century East European Count."

"His Excellency the Lord Premier Gooboy."

Ted often though back to those good old days when he was king of just the jungle.

"Nevermore."

"Take a look - that's us in ninety years."

"First of all, I would like to express my gratefulness to all those wonderful ancestors of mine who helped to make this glorious day possible."

'Can I have some of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich? All my mom ever gives me is cake.'

'You can scratch your back when the war is over!'

"It's badly sprained, McElroy, and you know as well as I do that I'd only slow you down. Go on without me—and that's a direct order!"

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

Seamus Heaney

'He was leaning out to watch Lady Godiva, and his crown fell into the moat.'

'Parliament passed a resolution that you're full of baloney, but it was non-binding.'

"I hear it's because we're right and they're wrong."

The Queen on holiday

Put it in petty cash.

"I know I have the body of a weak and feeble woman but, hang on a minute, I'm pretty sure I have the heart and stomach of a king, too..."

The king's wig is finished --- Run it over to the castle. Ah, the hair to the throne!

Football anagrams: Victoria do rule (Answer: Olivier Dacourt)