Nighttime Ritual Fans Pillows

A couple lie in bed

"I spend my day prepping for a good night"

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

"I'm having my entrails read."

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

"Would you mind getting me the Ambien, the Tiger Balm, three cookies, a cup of tea and a pillow for my legs?"

"You choose now to suddenly become romantic?"

"I'm prescribing your husband a double dose of malt whiskey, to be taken twice every evening."

"There you are, dear. . . that's you all set to watch satuday night television now!"

Bath Time

"I had a dream that I was awake and trying to sleep and now I don't know what's going on."

Your dinner is in the coven.

'After scraping my tongue, flossing my teeth, brushing my teeth, whitening my teeth and gargling, I'm hungry all over again!'

'It's all very well this 'The early bird catches the Worm' business, but I'm nocturnal...'

'-and to all you night owls out there...'

"I see a huge spider on the wall ... whatever you do, do not move!"

"I couldn't decide what to give up for Lent, so I gave it all up."

A praying mantis bride throws her husband's head to a crowd of wedding guests.

"I swear, the solstice starts earlier every year."

Dowsing for Coffee

"Can you cleanse the space of all the roach and mice spirits?"

Night Owls v. Morning People

"Aw, not in my morning latte, man."

Wake up and smell the coffee

Drinkers in pub watching football give wide berth to man who clearly stinks. One says: 'I see Dave is wearing his lucky shirt AGAIN tonight.'

Best Guards.

'Yes, he enjoys his evening glass of wine with a good book. It must be good, he's been reading it since 1983.'

"Roger and Out."