Night With Friends Pillows

'You're clean, sober and unhurt? Poor darling! This Friday night with your buddies must have been REALLY boring!'

"This place has the best happy hour."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Clubbing

'Cool! Where'd you learn the new step?'

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

Professional woman in pub

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

"There! Isn't sipping my Tropical Surprise more fun than arguing over some ancient sports trivia?"

Balloon tattoos

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

'Another martini please.'

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

'I'll need to see some ID.'

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

'I managed to crack a smile during the first 15-minures but the last 45-minutres were a bust!

'Oi! '

'I'm drinking, you're driving - how come you're so happy?'

"Pay no attention to us, we're just a mirage."