Night With Friends Pillows

'You're clean, sober and unhurt? Poor darling! This Friday night with your buddies must have been REALLY boring!'

"This place has the best happy hour."

'I've tried all night without potting a ball.' - 'Try taking away the wooden frame.'

This cream won't get rid of cellulite...it just makes it easier to slide into your jeans.

"I always thought I'd be good at getting drunk and crying on camera for Bravo."

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

Karataoke

Joe's 'Talent-Optional' Karaoke Bar

"Pssst! I had some CGI done."

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

'I don't like Gerald as a person, but I like him as a concept.'

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'Would you say your glass is half empty or half full?' 'Whose round is it?'

Clubbing

'Cool! Where'd you learn the new step?'

Professional woman in pub

"There! Isn't sipping my Tropical Surprise more fun than arguing over some ancient sports trivia?"

"Pavlov's dog: Friday night"

"At our age we should be moisturizing." "Honey, we started years ago... with our lips."

Balloon tattoos

"Sorry, had to barf real quick... so where were we?"

"From the gentleman at the end of the bar. Again."

"Is a six pack enough? I can go back out."

"And what's the story behind the story?"

Do-it-yourself. Do-it-yourself-with-good-friends-and-pizza-and-a-few-beers.

"Oh yes, I'm still on the juice diet...this one just happens to be fermented."

'I'll need to see some ID.'

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

'Another martini please.'

'This is the layout of all the bars we'll hit tonight! We'll start here, then...So we'll sweep around their rear flank, capture their artillery here, then...'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Chairs - a bar where everybody has a seat!

'Oi! '

'I managed to crack a smile during the first 15-minures but the last 45-minutres were a bust!

"Yes, our drinks are very expensive, but that includes your cab fare home."