Nhs Followers Gifts

'The feedback on the extended opening hours was generally excellent, although some people feel we should provide croissants and coffee in the morning and a little late supper in the evening.'

'Sire, Sodom and Gomorrah are requesting Federal disaster relief aid.'

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Maternity Unit - 'Congratulations! It's a midwife!'

GP to cat - 'In view of the new polyclinic up the road, yes we are opening our books to new patients.'

'If you could roll up your sleeves, go behind the screen and plaster the wall.'

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

'Sure we're underfunded, but we manage!'

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

Woman leaves a stick of dynamite on her weighing scales and runs away

Annexe 8

'Let me though! - I'm a Doctor.'

'Pick up your bed and walk woman, for the NHS is not long for this world.'

'Get this, Dr. Melroy just asked my opinion.'

"Don't just stand there gawping women! Give me a hand with my monthly salary!"

'I'm afraid the bed shortage is rather acute...'

Some people have their own methods of dealing with a shortage of nurses

'She's seen a man wandering round in his underpants!'

DOH should create a simple prevalence formula that works.

'Try not to think about your car-parking charges.'

"We'd like you to be at breaking point seven days a week."

'Well I'm blowed if I know what any of this means!'

'The grass over in the meadow looks better. I wish somebody would lead off.'

'It'll be a disaster...you've no experience in Forward-facing reorganisation target setting prioritisation strategic planning.'

'This is nurse Rochester, if there's anything worrying you she's the person to share your concerns with so that they get recorded and filed properly.'

'It's the new managements policy on how we persecute whistleblowers.'

MPIG: 'There that's better...'

The treatment is the same on the NHS...

'We need to make cuts...shall we start with the heart?'

'Well it's nice to see that waiting times have gone down.'

'They said on the NHS an Afghan sling was the only thing available for a broken leg.'

"I'm thinking of signing up for the postcode lottery."