Nhs Commentariat Pillows

Hospital Waiting Room: 3 Ailments or less queue.

'At least now the injury worries are over, we can concentrate on slagging off the team.'

Virtual Doctor

"You want to know why I drink?. . . I drink to forget!"

National Living Wage from April 1st.

Why Superman flies himself

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

"Neversource"

"Thursday-Morning Quarterback"

'I don't care if he is the most interesting man in the world, his tweets about what he had for breakfast are still boring.'

Sir Patrick Moore.

Locum GP's to be paid for extra work on the BMA agreement

The National Institute for Advanced Talk-Show Punditry.

NHS notice - This is a bring your own bed hospital

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Stabbing Ward

"Bad news - the local sewage plant is made of reinforced autoclaved aerated concrete."

"Whatever happened to traditional marriages? There they are...on national television...with millions of people watching...two women getting married! And they're both wearing blue jeans!"

Self Checkout

Wards / Mortuary

"First the artillery softens them up. Then the armored division moves in, followed by the infantry. And remember: we're dealing with hardened asylum seekers."

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

Annexe 8

"I know I say it in every episode, Carson, but the world is changing and we have to change with it."

"Wow, maybe Heidi Klum looks like Gisele Bundchen."

'I like this new alcohol labelling.'

"I hate when this happens."

'I'm sorry, but we're letting all of you go. Your jobs have been outsourced to India.'

80 years ago. Food comes farms. 40 years ago. Market. Kids today don't understand. They think food comes from the supermarket. They don't realize it comes from farms. Present day. Kids today don't understand. They think food just shows up in boxes at the door. They don't realize those boxes come from stores.

Too Stupid Not to Fail

"I believe you were complaining about your cold this morning."

'I envy your metabolism.'

'Of course being on short term contract, I don't enjoy the same benefits as the rest of you.'

'The obesity epidemic is GREAT. If it carries on then in another TEN years I'll be AVERAGE weight!'