Nfl Critic Pillows

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

Maybe we should stop calling it 'The Masters.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

'Call 911! He watched 12 straight hours of football without training adequately.'

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

Please Do Not Throw Cups of Beer At The Players... It's A Waste of Beer.'

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

NFL quarterback slides feet-first to the ground and avoids a mugging,

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

"Edgar isn't here. He's working out with the Dallas Cowboys."

'What the... Oh, lucky me - it's just something easy to get rid of!'

"Dumb it down or sex it up."

'As you can see - it doesn't pay to badmouth the quarterback.'

"Fifty yard line! I bet you thought it was a silly necklace..."

'I don't want to mention any names, but one of you isn't giving 100% out there.'

'You may be wondering what a sex scandal has to do with managing the national team...'

NFL's 50 Most Masterful Uses of the Clock

World Cup. Half Empty.

'We're sending you down, Hartnett. You need to work on your scratching and spitting.'

Group showers. Just one of the reasons few golfers take up football.

'But now for the good news, Bob. The replay was shown repeatedly on Sports Center.'

Doping

Match Fixing in Malaysia

"Wait, all the screaming, and cheering, and swearing – you've been faking liking football the whole time?"

'Everything else was sold out. Stop whining about the end zone seats.'

"He's told them many a time, not to let defenders shoot, but do they take any notice. . ?"

"The Browns are the only team in the NFL to have a malpractice squad."

"Why study Latin? I guess so we'll know what Super Bowl game we're watching."