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'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

Editor says to journalist: 'I'm looking for a reporter who is imaginative. I did just say 'investigative', didn't I?'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Gaza

Some days I just burst with pride being a journalist.

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

"These projections don't make sparkles shoot out my ass."

"I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I was the loudest."

"We need a best practice swim lane to leverage our core competency, move the needle outside the box, and open the kimono while keeping our ducks in a row. Can anyone give me a sustainable solution to more vertical effectiveness without getting too granula

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

Fear of news.

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Newspaper suicide.

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

'I'm in the den, mom, reading the newspaper for my social studies class.'

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'We need to schedule a few impromptu meetings...'

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"We want to include you in this decision without letting you affect it."

"Come to my office. I need to cascade with you offline."

Board of Directors enter the 'Tunnel of Corporate Love'.