Newsie Aficionado Gifts

Stalk of Newspaper Vendors

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Department of No One Could Have Anticipated.

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Trump Administration Raising White Flag in Ukraine

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Who will determine Venezuela's future?

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Trump pardons

"What I do is pick up the morning paper, go through it carefully, and then, depending on how I feel about things, I either say the Pledge of Allegiance, stand there and do nothing, or walk out of the classroom."

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

"Who's got the hammer?"

UK border controls relaxed.

Oligarchy

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

News and Magazines. Celebrity gossip. Sports scandals. Political bickering. We're out of the "information age" and well into the "too much information age"!

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"Away with the warmonger!"

Computer Science Class 10101010101.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"Excellent, excellent. A fine blend of truths, half-truths, and blatant falsehoods."

"...And do you Sean Spicer take Kelly Anne Conway..." "The marriage of alternative facts"

'Greek debt was downgraded for the 11th time this week, by S&P, to P.O.S. Negative Infinity, meaning it's safer to eat uranium, than own Greek debt.'

Donald Trump Removing Aggressor Label From Vladimir Putin

The economy.

Ahem. I'm eating. Not now, please. Just one tiny question. Believers I American exceptionalism have always said we're the paragon of democracy. So I'm just wondering … How come one party is passing unnecessary laws that'll keep millions of us from voting? They're robbing us of our voice! Could've surprised me.