News Listening Mugs

A radio presenter.

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

Audio Books

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"We'd better stock up on TV snacks in the event of war."

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

I can hear a podcast of yesterday's sea.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Netanyahu versus Gantz

"I know he's funny, boy, but he’s also the president of the United States."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'I'm terribly worried, Doctor - he doesn't talk back to Bill O'Reilly any more.'

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"Bad news on Wall Street today, as the bottom fell out of the market, the sides collapsed, and the top blew away."

'The Federal Government today authorized a ten-year study of all its five-year studies.'

News on TV: 'At last, some good news from Iraq...Saddam's chamber of torture is being converted into a chamber of commerce.'

'Stocks rose on news that '90% of success is just being there.''

'Howard can't come to the phone now. He's standing by for a major concert announcement.'

'This is just a test. I repeat, this is just a test. But then - maybe not!'

Not-so-easy listening...

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.

'If social security were privatized, the administration also suggested a name change to 'Bush-Cheney-Rumsfeld holdings inc.''

"I have to admit Dick Cheney makes a strong argument for torture. But I still think torturing him would be wrong."

"Good news on Wall Street today"

Easy & Hard Listening Rock Radio.

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

It's 10 P.M. does anyone know what 'sequestration' means?

The Evening News

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

It's 10 pm. Do you know why Iraq, aided by Iran, are fighting against Kurds - a major U.S. ally against Isis - in Northern Iraq?"

'In today's action, the Dow Jones Industrial Average cratered, then soared, then swooned, then skyrocketed, then plummeted, then rebounded, and finally threw up.'

'There you go again - trying to solve my problems. I am not asking you to do that. I just want you to listen to me.'

'The economy today got a boost from Alan Greenspan, who said it's O.K. to be irrationally exuberant.'