News Known-it-all Pillows

'Isn't this the paper that everybody reads?'

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

Squeezing the Free Press.

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Trump pardons

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

CIA report

A little bird told me...

Loan Alley

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

Laughingstock

Trump Poutine

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Apart from protest footage I forget what downtown looks like.

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'