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"...and finally..."

"If the meek are going to inherit this earth, they're going to have to toughen up."

Glenn Beck! First time caller!

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'

'Our top story...Son of God returns to earth, but first here's Chad with a look at your weather.'

Tell Newsweek.

'Because we can't afford to subscribe to the Spanish Channel!'

'I'm delivering my newspapers, dad.'

'We're out of crazy ideas that just might work, Mr. President, but we still have a few crazy ideas that probably WON'T work.

Fox News.

'Read ALL about IT! On ALL your !!#@X!! fancy Modern-day electronic devices,YA CHEAPSKATES!!'

Barack Obama and NSA

What's the news saying about the economy?

Have you noticed an anti-government bias among terrorists?

Freedom of Press

Journalists in Egypt

"Que menso! The TV says this burglar got stuck in a chimney! I hope he's not Latino!"

US Disasters: Texas hurrican, Florida hurricane, Puerto Rico, Hurricane Nate. Next: ?

Why is Democracy in bad shape?

"Fake news! All fake! Go back out there and bring back news I want to hear!!"

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

Scratch 'n' sniff edition...

"Knightsbridge is full of Russians."

"Let's hope that as part of their self-financing plan they put it on Airbnb."

Local Report. Now let's go to Frank down by the river. These giant spools of wire rope have arrived at the bridge. Workers will begin replacing weakened wires holding up the bridge deck. A news story about wire ropes supporting the bridge will be controversial. Some people get very agitated by cable news.

Americans Call Them "Wimps" But It's the French Who Burn Cities Over a Gas Tax Hike

Don't Worry, it's Joe Biden

Covfefe Alert II

Charlie Beck Loves Austin Beutner

I Hate You, Please Don't Leave Me

Glenn Greenwald is What?

"Who are your sources? Talk!"

Welcome to another edition of "Frank and Ernest's History." it's a little-known fact that calendars and sensationalistic reporting were invented almost simultaneously! I've devised a way of organizing days and years. I see. We have a dramatic, exclusive report! I don't want to alarm everybody but your days are now numbered!

What violent video game? We're watching the news.

The following story is based on actual events.