News Announcer T-Shirts

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Press Freedom

Difference of Opinion

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

"And by president we mean the one on Saturday night tv, not the real one. He kinda sucks."

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

'Do you realize that we're sitting in a prefabricated house, eating precooked dinners, and listening to Chris Matthews' opinions?'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"Let's get ready to bumble!"

'Poll results are in...90% of Americans can't spell Schwarzenneger.'

"As some of you may have guessed I got yesterday's sunburn factor wrong!"

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"Which news channel should we watch?"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

"Er...nothing much has happened yet today...."

Local News in Heaven

'Och lye the news'