Newscasters T-Shirts

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

"The economy always seems to be recovering, but it never recovers."

Press Freedom

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

"The regular Fox news commentator was canned for being too soft on Iran. I'm Dick Cheney."

Man Reading Laptop.

"Analysts warn that computerization of the villages won't give the expected results!"

"I'm going to miss it when they stop warning us"

"Hang in there everyone—we promise a cute animal story at the end."

2020 Swiss barmy knife

"Reports that AI is planning a world takeover are greatly exaggerated."

"I mean the Saturday Night Live president, not the lousy one."

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'Mixed day on Wall Street. Economic indicators were up, but executive bonuses were down.'

Business News.

BREAKING FAKE NEWS

"We live in interesting times. Present company exempted, of course."

'Here's the name of my cosmetic brain surgeon. He make you look smarter.'

'And this just in from the stock market... buy, sell, buy, sell, buy, sell, buy!'

'Our new simplified energy bills just have a few options starting with 'Grossly inflated' and progressing to the premium 'Bloodsucker' package. . .'

'Here's our business editor to talk s**t to us for five minutes'

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

Today, tech stocks rose on news the latest gadgets avoided internet censorship by the Iranian government.'

"In a move sure to revolutionize the industry, Lincoln Middle School is using Halloween candy energy levels to offset costs in November, December and January."

CELEBRITY NEWS TEAM"Now here's Frank Sinatra with the weather."

If Watergate Happened Now the Press Would Be Too Busy Reporting on Tweets

"Good evening. In today's top story, my book has jumped to Number Three on the best-seller list."

Flake News

'War protestor': 'Oh no! Not this again...'

Man has a seatbelt and 'calm down tablets' to watch the world news.