New Year, New Me Planners Pillows

'You need to go on a diet. Your spare tyres are getting spare tyres!'

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

Two entrances to a gym; one reads "Actual Exercise" while the other reads "Sit on Equipment and Stare at your Phone."

'First item on the agenda...Throw out the agenda!!'

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

"Before we cut the cake, I want to thank my bride for bringing our wedding in under budget."

"Don't worry. She usually breaks her fitness resolution within the month."

"...For new year, I'm going to stop watching so much sport..."

Father Time wishes Baby New Year luck.

'Wait a minute! Aren't you the chap who refused planning permission on the St., Mary's church extension?'

'Why not just serve Thanksgiving dinner in the shoe department next year and be done with it??'

"I'm really serious about exercising. Last year I only went to the gym twice, once to join and once to renew."

2010 Calendar.

a drink at the pub

"If I were you, I'd put a new hairstyle way way down your list of New Year's Resolutions."

"Then we agree! We will start our new year's resolution to lose weight in 365 days!"

"I made a new year's resolution to eat spinach. If I can't stand it, I'll give it up for Lent."

Newspaper headlines before and after Christmas.

O Christmas Tree...

Underneath an overweight.

"You know, I wouldn't have to pay for this if you were still my son."

New Year's Resolutions

'I remember you when you were a cute little tyke!"

"I recommend using your third wish to prevent joint pain in later years."

"This year can't end soon enough for me."

"You know full well you didn't give me what I wanted last year so, this time - sign this promise!"

"No, I'd like to have plans. I just always want the option for them to be cancelled at the last minute due to circumstances outside both parties' control."

'Some have abs of steel, I have fat of steel!'

"I'd like to get back to doing less for charity."

'Why pay big bucks for a DJ or band for our wedding reception, when Erwin here will play his favurite polka hits on his accordian for some beer?'