New Relationship Anniversary Gifts

'I do so much better with women when I quit trying to understand them and just repeat what they say to each other.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

Love at First Sight

'Progress of a bookshelf'

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

Give us a drink that says "we're in love." Oh no, not again. Today's Special. Latte + 1hr web $12.50. We're back together. We're celebrating. Give us my darling pudding pie's favorite drink. A cinnamon mocha latte with a peppermint lollipop swizzle stick. Excuse me?! That is not my favorite drink ... dear. My favorite drink is a cinnamon mocha latte with a spearmint lollipop swizzle stick ... dear. I am so sorry ... snookums. How could I have possibly been so heartless and thoughtless as to con

Speed Dating for Turtles

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Romance

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

Relationship Warning Lights

"You've changed."

Hug and Do a Chorus Line Kick.

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Romance

'I'll be darned! A nipple mood ring!'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

I only have eyes for you

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"I just realized you're my entire entourage."

"Mr. Right!"

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'