New Pet Friendship Pillows

''Fighthing like cats and dogs'? That's just for parents: I don't see why we can't be friends...'

Bitchbark Canoe

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

Things to do: 1. Sit 2. Stay 3. Sit 4. Stay

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"There's really not much to obedience school. Just listen up and do what they say."

Caveman's dog with head outside car window.

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"Parts of a dog" "Hears food drop" "Smells food" "Chews food" "Swallows food" "Digests food" "Moves toward food" "Signals for food" "Makes room for more food"

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Mixed Doubles.

"Snow White! It's the dancing, singing woodland creatures wondering if you want to go down the pub."

Bill and Lester have a 'Hay Day'.

Self-Isolating. Do Not Disturb (Except For Food).

'Good evening! The debate over animal experiments continues...'

'Don't be embarrassed by your anti-barking collar, implanted tracking chip, and GPS device. Just think of them as fashion accessories.'

Lamb Noise.

"Just when you're about to lose faith in humanity, you see Shakespeare in the Park."

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

I'm beginning to regret buying that Roomba.

Christmas Pets

Dog with saucepan stuck on its head

PET THEORIES

"I'm supposed to wake Jasper up at sunrise, but which pile of snow is he asleep under?"

Pet Entertainers

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

'I don't understand: I lick the plates clean, but Mistress still puts them in the dishwasher afterwards...'

Chasebook

"Lori, I can’t talk right now — I’m right in the middle of updating my dog’s Facebook page."

'I suppose an explanation is in order?'

"And for dessert, I'd like the mice pudding."

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

'Now, you're new here, but you should know the rules: I get Master's newspaper and slippers! Got that?'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'