New Job For A Hotel Critic Prints

How Patrick Moore chooses a hotel..."Hmmm four stars".

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"If God had meant us to fly, he'd give us more leg room!"

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Your lobster was off!

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

"This cruise is getting a very stern review from me, I can tell you."

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

'It's my favorite.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

"Can I interest you in a great white?"

Pick Your Own Baby Lamb Chop

'The braised toucan was fine...although I found the bill a little large.'