New Homeowner Enthusiast Pillows

'My life is so awesome! I've got a starter job, starter house and a starter husband.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"I didn't spark joy."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Beginning Yarder.

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

The Day Dreamer.

“I’m stayin’ home — I want the world to know — I pro-bab-ly won’t go!”

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.