First-time Homeowner Pillows

"Sink's clogged again?"

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"I said to myself, 'Maybe I can't change the world, but I can remodel my bathroom.' "

A DIY disaster.

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Jack and Ina build their dream house.

'I installed all the floor tiles by myself. I did it all by tile and error.'

"Maybe the termite problem should take precedence over the chimney problem."

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

"...And this is the part where he veers off course from the YouTube tutorial."

Beginning Yarder.

'Hey, are you like me? Do you hate mowing around trees? ell, then THIS is the machine for you!'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'The upside is that if the water gets high enough all your termites might drown.'

"Son, one day two hundred square feet of this city could be yours to rent."

"May I recommend THIS property? It's ideal for first-time haunters..."

"Dad! The bathroom pipes are clogged up!"

The Day Dreamer.

"Yes, we’d like to buy a grow house." "Chia Pet’s first purchase."

"Sold For sale Ellie Kopp 1-800-238-7463 Yaffle Realty Stop renting. Buy your boot from a boot."

'Frank is into D.I.Y...'Destroy It Yourself'!'

"What should I wear to the living room today?"

'Hello, Acme Termite Control...?'

Estate Agent showing client his parents' house - '...and here's one from our affordable homes range'

Believe it or not, I'm sitting her watching the fights. Harry versus the crabgrass, the moles, the insects...

"Mom said mopping up my snow tracks is a good start for my bucket list."

"Mom, could we stay in my old room until we're able to afford a place of our own?"

"Installed it himself ??" saved $50."

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

"When you get a minute, I have some kitchen shelves you can put up."

Drought's Over