New Arrival T-Shirts

'Does this count on my frequent flyer miles?'

'Hey, I remember delivering you to your parents: We're going full circle here!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"They're so adorable at that age!"

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

Twenty-first century baby walker

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

The No No No's

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."