Neurotic News Navigator Pillows

"He took that kinda hard."

Danae's Career Plans: 'The major product manufactured today is punditry, so I'm honing my argumentative skills to work my way to the top of the blow hard industry..my goal is to become a spin ninja...'

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

Newspaper suicide.

'I'm in the den, mom, reading the newspaper for my social studies class.'

Corporate Greed.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

All-Purpose Obamatoon

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

Fake News - Tabloid News - State-run News - Free Press

"I'm an agnostic now that I've started having self doubts."

Pickle

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

I'm in the den mom, reading the newspaper for social studies class.

"D'you have any porn porn?"

We can't hear you! We can't see you! We can't hear you!

'Hello Doctor. I'm Ed Shannon and these are my neuroses.'

'Here's veteran pundit Edwin Shrock to sound off og whether any other pundits actually know what they're talking about...'

"This is not good at all!"

'That damn racial scandal.'

'Trading was active in rumors, today...'

'Yes, Dear, they are very pretty shoes!'

Upload Filter

'Forget about 'who,what,when,where,why,how'...Instead 'Will it sell papers...attract advertisers?'

"Ouch!... That hand sanitiser is a bit feisty..."

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

Mitch McConnell

What?

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

'Every time I go on an ego trip, I get hijacked by terrorists!'

Things That Were Going to Save Journalism

Man reading on top of giant pencil being carried by others.

Self made dictator Putin

Death By Mattress

"Papers late again, Murphy?"