Networking Enthusiast Pillows

"I'm starting a startup that helps other startups start up."

"Your MBA and PHD are impressive but what concerns me is your low number of Facebook friends."

"I practiced my networking elevator speech on an escalator, which messed with my timing."

I work for a not for profit business. Mind you, two years ago it was a 'for profit' business.

Boss says, 'I wanna know which ones of you really like me and which ones are just networking.'

"Phil's an expert networker. One drink and he's on schmooze-control."

'When business networking group organisers network...'

'I didn't have a glass ceiling I had to break through... I had a golf course I had to conquer.'

Chief Buyer - I'm busy dump your card with the others

'Ah, Mr. Collins? We are friends on Facebook, but I can't remember why.'

"He's networking again!"

"I sniff bottoms...what do you do?"

'We have a problem' because of the economy, we are being forced to hire outside of our good old boy network.'

"I see you had the foresight to like us on facebook."

Flattery Getting Someone Somewhere

'So, summing up: we 'like' you and you 'like' us.'

"www.www.www...."

'he's results-driven, proactive and a dynamic networker. So, naturally, we all hate him.'

'Name tag's up here, Ma'am - I'm from the Cattlemen's Delegation.

'Whoa, don't ask me any math questions -- I'm a SOCIAL engineer!'

Government Hiring: Who You Know What You Know.

'We're sending in several members of our elite small-talk for tonight's cocktail party.'

"I'll have my people post on your people's Facebook walls..."

'look at my new business cards! The old ones weren't big enough for all my information.'

And elevator with 'up', 'down', and 'pitches' buttons

"Jessica tells me you have a Twitter following in the six figures."

"Oh, Are you still networking?"

Schmoozing 101

'Looks like they've all heard it before...still, carry on to the end...'

"Where can we go and unwind and talk business at the same time?"

"How do you do? I'm an unnamed government official."

"Congratulations! You appeared in fifteen LinkedIn searches this week."

"With FLITTERIN I can connect to my future boss, my past flames and my current obsession all in one place!"

'Attila the Hun, meet Genghis Khan.'

'Why don't you come to my birthday party? It'll be a great place for networking...'