Nervous Navigators Pillows

"Emergency stop! I'll tick that."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"Well what does the GPS say?"

"What now?" Runners disturbing loggers

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

'Should I try a three point turn?' - 'Better not, we only have 30 minutes left.'

Books 'n' Carrots

I cannot tell you why men will not ask for directions

'Yes, he's neurotic - It's a common condition with neurologists.'

"I assumed it was writer's block but as I've never written anything I could be wrong."

"My problem is I obsess over whether I worry enough."

"How long have you had this nightmare of being shot down by a beagle on a flying doghouse, Herr Von Richthofen?"

"Stop telling me how well you did on the written."

"My job as a homing pigeon is a lot easier now I am using the GPS."

Vat Nav

Let's start a book group to read stuff that will help us cope with our lives. Like? You know: Self-help books on housekeeping, child-rearing and navigating difficult workplace situations. Suggestions? Yeah. Jane Eyre, Gone with the Wind and The Devil Wears Prada. The great books series.

"I just remembered... I forgot to turn off the sink."

'Are you having a mid-life crisis?', 'Let's hope so.'

"Why do I feel so angry about feeling guilty about feeling embarrassed about feeling scared?"

'Would you mind holding my hand Jim? The truth is, I'm deathly afraid of flying.'

Product Recall (aeroplane)

Tourists and GPS

'Sit tight — I'm going to call for backup.'

'You could work at any fortune 500 company... Why have you applied at our little shop?'

'Was it the non-flying dream again?'

"Come and get me, coppers!"

"I hope that the next time you dive into a good book, you first check to see how deep it is!"

"Right foot, left foot, inhale, exhale, right foot..."

'I think there's something wrong with our navigational system, because judging by the icebergs, I don't think we're in the Caribbean.'

'According to the map, we're about to sail off the end of the earth.'

An Industrial Inferiority Complex. '... Nobody likes me ... other industries are better than me ... I'm only slightly neurotic.'

'It's 700 pages. I just don't think I'm ready for that type of commitment.'

My book agent, Laurie, sold my memoirs. It's a gut-wrenching tale of how I overcame the odds. It's based on actual events. Not actual events in my life. They didn't ask! The memoir mantra: Don't as, don't tell.

Excess Baggage: The conception of electronic ticketing still has a few airline passengers spooked.