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The Principal of Inertia.

Teacher pointing to P,Q, on board: "OK class, which letter comes next? Redbeard, you should know this."

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

'Eureka! After months of research and formulating algorithms, I've done it... I've discovered the secret to 'being cool'!'

Pyramid (Drawn from memory) (Pretty accurate)

"If I can't use a calculator, may I use my Dad's old slide-rule?"

"I think you should hire me for my vast software knowledge. . . and then pay for me to go learn software."

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'They said 'write what you know.' So I didn't write anything.'

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

Death comes to both the Archbishop and the Salesman in Venice

'The problem seems to be in the memory bank.'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

"Nobody at school will laugh at me."

I think he's joking. "Placebo" can't be a real medical science term. It sounds like a funny name for a clown.

Leaving cards.

'I was told it required a log-in...'

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'This painting's in very poor taste.' 'Yes. It's from his sour grapes period.'

"Come on, dear...you can't blame everything on Russian hackers."

'Hey,mom-have you seen my pet frog?'

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

The Screeeen!

Broad Minded

'Okay, okay! You can have a lick of my sucker.'

'You're breaking up...please text me.'

'It certainly sounds like a fantastic offer, but I'm not supposed to answer the phone.'

"It's a brovella about my life in the frat. But if it's longer than two hundred pages it becomes a brahvel."