Nerdy Humorists Pillows

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

Wait a minute…What operating system are you using?… Common techie question.

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

Now Hiring. Artificial Intelligence & Research Lab. "Artificial Intelligence"? Great! I'd be a real asset to your project since I'm not as intelligent as I look!

Trainspotters a group of trainspotters outside a church taking down details of a Bride's wedding gown train

"Hey samson, nice man bun."

Pi fight!

"You sure you don't want any Pi?"

'Don't throw the little silicon chips away -- we may find a use for them someday.'

"Maybe Earth's primordial soup did contain polyester."

4-Panel: (1) 'Did you read this article on cockroaches?' (2) 'It says scientists have confirmed conditioned reflexes in cockroaches, just like Pavlov's dogs. I don't know if I believe that!' (4) 'What's for dinner?'

"How's this? Hot enough for you?"

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

Newton discovers surrealism

"NOBODY LISTENS ANYMORE."

Liberals' Wishful Thinking about Joe Biden

The Principal of Inertia.

'I see dumb people wearing 'I see dumb people' shirts.'

You've lost an electron? Are you sure you're all right? I'm positive.

Lie detector, "It's a goddam liar bird all right."

Flytrap nerd.

Harbor Hotel: 'Absolutely NO swashbuckling after 10 PM'.

"I had money problems- forged fivers the wrong colour!"

"The most common adverse vaccine reaction after the first dose is trying to get the second dose."

'This is a first Mr Cowbird. You've contracted mad cow disase and the bird flu!'

Robot porn.

Social median

"Possessing both sexes, the Hypoplectrus gutavarius mates with another Hypoplectrus gutavarius, each switching roles after each encounter."

Online articles are fine, but I miss being annoyed by the fragrance sample cards in print magazines.

'The prisons are full, so I'm sentencing you to marry Rosie O'Donnell.'

'I sculpt what I see, Miss Delsey.'